The Defining Moments

There are many moments in my life that have helped me in trying to define why I’m here.  Some are through my experiences with music, some with my faith, and some through simple observation of others.  We are so very complex as individuals and yet so simple when it comes to our basic functionality.

I look at myself regularly and honestly ask,  ”who am I?”  So many moments and choices have brought me to be where I am right now.  It begs me to wonder where would I be if I hadn’t been so reckless in my youth?  Would I be as happy as I am now if I hadn’t lost control so many times.

I take comfort from the balance that my life now has.  I saw life from a very dark place from a very long time.  And in the last few years I have been very blessed with the great privilege of being able to live free from the chains of addiction.  Every day is a blessing.  The air is so thick I can almost hold it in my hands.  Every time I see the colours of the world they are as miraculous as they were the first time I understood them.  Every taste is overpowering and every touch is overwhelming.  How can so many loose sight of this great miracle they call life?  How can so many hold such sorrow and fear in their hearts.  It is the corrupt who install fear and hatred into the hearts of the innocent and deprive them of the simplest and greatest of all life’s wonders; love.  I know better than most the fine line between love and hate.  Yes, love is a dangerous entity, but would we really live our lives without it having knowing it and given the choice?  

It took many mistakes and unfortunate events for me to truly appreciate what love was.  First the love for living with myself, then for my family, and then for the woman that is now my wife.  When I think about it I never really loved anyone until I knew her.  My Mother was right.  She said I’d know it when I met the one I would grow old with.

I am happy now not to try and figure out who I am.  I am who I am, so ‘take me as I am.’  I am a mere human and I make more mistakes than most, but that’s the great thing about living with yourself; life is a learning experience.  It’s how you learn from your mistakes that defines what kind of person you are.

There is a certain minor celebrity who has made tabloid history with her unfortunate death from cancer.  I have sympathy for her family who have suffered loss, especially her sons, and for her as an individual for having to suffer this cruel disease.  Though, in my personal opinion, she did not do much in her life other than have the 15 minutes of reality TV fame before becoming an unfortunate product of the system, and it was the way in which she died that she was mostly reported on and in the end forgiven for.  It showed me how truly sick we are as a race in our obsession to be nosey.  I am glad, regardless of the irony, that more women will be getting themselves tested for cancer because of this tragic death.  But back to my point, being extremely lucky to have a second chance of life I hope that my children will remember me for the way in which I lived and not how I died.

It also saddened me that there was no media coverage of the countless number of mothers who would not be able to support there children after they died from cancer.  I believe the media had a great opportunity to highlight this problem but instead they chose to make money.

Life is such a very precious thing.  Without all the materialistic distractions in the world, and with the basic need to survive, I think we could rise up from our mistakes and be a prosperous and great civilisation capable of wondrous things.  

It all starts with a bit of appreciation followed by a bit of love.