I posted this up on Facebook as a status update, but I thought I’d share it here too:
The other day I ran into one of the blokes who bullied me at school. Always had visions of retribution in mind should I ever meet any of the plebs that made my first year of High school a living hell. I could tell by the nick of him he was very likely on smack. I actually felt really sorry for him; we probably have more in common than the folk I’d consider close friends. It’s funny, I just realised that the image I’ve had of the folk that bullied me at school has always been that of the 12 year old kids, albeit cruel little (enter offensive word here), they were back in 1992. I never considered what kind of people they’d changed into. I hope for their sake it was something they grew out of. A lot of my anger issues came out of my bullying. I made damn sure nobody pushed me around when I left school which ended up having a severe backlash; I would just go out looking for trouble after a skinful of liquor. It was only recently that this dawned on me. I’ve carried a lot of bitterness and resentment in the last 20 years because of the bullying. Even when I wanted to find forgiveness, and even after saying the words out loud, there was still anger in my heart; I just couldn’t let go. After seeing that bloke and the state he was in I’ve realised that not everything is in black and white nor does it stay the same; I’ve had to let go. A close friend said to me, “These guys have likely never given you a second thought since 1992,” and I totally agree. It’s taken nearly 20 years, but I’ve finally found it within myself to forgive and let go of all the hatred I was carrying. I just wanted to share this because that anger, hatred, and resentment, had a massive part to play in the type of guy I turned into during my late teens and early 20s. It might seem impossible (as it did to me) but if you can’t let go of the things eating away at you on the inside it will just fester and eventually dictate who you are, and stop you from being the person you can be. Let it go.